Life of a fresher in IT

Crapeger: What was your training stream?
Innocent guy: My stream was Kava.
Crapeger: We will put you in a Closed Systems project, get ready for training classes
Innocent guy: But, there is this new Kava project starting up. Why cant I…
Crapeger: No, we are planning to put a DataPaste resource into it.
Innocent guy: But. What the use of it…
Crapeger: that we will decide.
Innocent guy: I want to work in Kava….
Crapeger: won’t work according to your wants
Innocent guy: But I was trained in Kava. What was the point in getting the training in the first place?
Crapeger: We have made you ready for situations; it’s something like this… by not letting you eat is a way to make yourself ready for a situation where there is no more food left in the world!
Silence for a while! Innocent guy perplexed.
Innocent guy: The way I see it; it’s like having loads of tandoori chicken in front of you and you can’t eat it, no matter how hungry you are, because it for somebody who is a vegetarian. Anyways, fine. I want to work, I am ready.
Innocent guy leaves
Crapeger: he wants to work… ha ha… what a fool! ha ha.. we need ppl like him

After few days

Innocent guy: I want a transfer. This is not my preferred location of work. I want to go to Pune.
Crapeger: How can you leave, you are a Kava resource. We have a crunch of Kava resources.
Innocent guy: But I am not working in Kava.
Crapeger: You might
Innocent guy: But you gave me training in Closed Systems.
Crapeger: See, now you are ready for both.
Innocent guy: You are solving the wrong problem. I don’t want to stay in this city.
Crapeger: What’s the problem in this city? Have you seen the beautiful temples here?
Innocent guy: Hey, I am not 45 yet!
Crapeger: Hmmm… Why do you want a transfer? Are your parents there and sick at the same time?
Innocent guy: No
Crapeger: Are you suffering from a disease which only a Pune doctor can cure?
Innocent guy: No
Crapeger: Are you allergic to snake bites?Innocent guy: What?
Crapeger: Then, what is the reason?
Innocent guy: Personal Reasons
Crapeger: Sorry, I can’t give you a transfer.
Innocent guy: Why?
Crapeger: Personal Reasons
Innocent guy: Okay, I want a transfer because my girlfriend is there in Pune and things are going a li’l rough and I just want to be there with her.
Crapeger: Not a problem, we will call her here
Innocent guy: She is not in .
Crapeger: No problem, we will hire here
Innocent guy: She is not even in IT
Crapeger: What? How can anybody not in IT.
Innocent guy: She is not
Crapeger takes a book out of his closet
Crapeger: Take a look at this book.
Innocent guy: ‘P for Policies’. What’s that?
Crapeger: It’s a policy book we follow. We swear by it. Look at page 36. There you will find girlfriend-not-yet-wife no transfer clause.
Innocent guy reads the clause and frowns his face
Crapeger: Sorry can’t give you a transfer. But as I am a good Crapeger, I will put your name in a transfer exls. This exls works in first come first serve basis. You have to wait for your turn.
Innocent guy: How long will it take?
Crapeger: Can’t say; the first person, in the list, has become a Group Project Crapeger now.
Innocent guy: Phew!! What if I get a swap?
Crapeger: No I don’t think that would work, the other person should be trained in Kava first and Closed Systems next. If it’s the other way around, it won’t work. And he shouldn’t be trained in anything else.
Innocent guy: If I manage to find one, then?
Crapeger: Then your training batch should match; your percentages should match; you should have flunked in the same subjects; should belong to same cities; should be same height; same blood group and should have the same no of hair on your head.
Innocent guy: Ohh! That would be easy.

After 1 month:
Innocent guy: what abt my transfer?
Crapeger: I am working on it; your project is in yellow, go and work!

After 3 months:
Innocent guy: what abt my transfer?
Crapeger: I am working on it; your project is in red, go and work!

After 6 months:
Innocent guy: what abt my transfer?
Crapeger: I am working on it; your project is in magenta, go and work!

After 10 months:
Innocent guy: what abt my transfer?
Crapeger: I am working on it; your project is in dark bluish touch bottle green off red, GO AND WORK!

After 12 months; the project is finally in green. Innocent guy miraculously pulls the project off!

Innocent guy: I want the transfer now.
Crapeger: Ok, its done… you have to report to Pune on Monday. Good job done in the project!

Innocent guy walks off with his shoulders high!!

After one month

Innocent guy: Why am I called back?
Crapeger: Project has gone into black; it’s in a big crisis. We wanted that as you are such a good resource, you should work in the project.

Innocent guy works like a dog; spends his entire time in the project work. Time passes by; short term transfer becomes long term. His girlfriend marries somebody else. He decides that there is no point going back to Pune. He should go to onsite from here.
Project is over. Client appreciates successful delivery.

Innocent guy: I want to go to onsite.
Crapeger: Sorry; you can’t; we have a lucky draw, for VISA and your application has been invalidated. Sorry!
Innocent guy: But; you can’t make me a different VISA?
Crapeger: I can’t. See it is given in ‘P for Policies’ book. See the ‘we-make-only-one-VISA’ policy on page 723
Innocent guy: So, send me to some other place apart from US.
Crapeger: We can’t. See the ‘kidding-me?-No-account-transfer’ policy on page 909
Innocent guy is disappointed now.
Crapeger: You need to be more flexible. You wanted to work in Kava, you wanted a transfer; you want to go to onsite. Little flexibility is required.
Innocent guy: I need to be flexible?? I have shown enough flexibility. I worked so hard. I even got an ‘A’ grade…
Crapeger: All the more reasons to be flexible. We have given you identification. See, now we pay you so much, that you can buy peanuts for yourself!
Innocent guy gets irritated by now.
Innocent guy: I don’t want to leave , but I will have to leave if I don’t get opportunities.
Crapeger: No problem. We don’t need inflexible guys like you. We want ppl to work without many aspirations. I cannot change the policy for one person. Go! We follow ‘one-go-100-come’ policy. Fresher’s are crazy abt , they will take you place.
Innocent guy: Alright! I am resigning.
Crapeger: Yeah do it fast. I have to call up client, to tell them that we can do their 5 months work in 5 days.

Innocent guy leaves the office heartbroken and disillusioned, thinking that he invested so much in his company but ………..